Singing at the Copley Square Tree lighting!

Copley Square Trinity Church

Just a quick post! Every now and again, I'm grateful that I am able to do some pretty cool fun stuff and get paid to do it. Last night, I sang Christmas Carols at the Copley Square Tree Lighting in Back Bay with Copley Singers and it was pretty fun and festive. This was the main event that made it okay for it to officially be the holiday season. Being outside at night in December meant I had to dress pretty warm, so I broke out my wool under layers so I could sport my Karelia Coat on top! If you have this coat from Anthropologie, you know that it's awesome, but it's NOT warm at all. (Also, for the record, there have been TWO products called Karelia Coat).

Here's a lame mirror photo of me at Nordstrom Rack, LOL.

While I was there, I spotted a bunch of Nars Foreplay Blush Palettes! Thinking about picking one up!

Copley Square with the Library and Old South Church in the Background

I also picked up two of the new L'Oreal Infallible Eyeshadow Pencils at Walgreens on my way home! I will post a few review when I try them!

Can't wait to try these!

Letting Go

Every person who spends over a decade perfecting an art has a dream. Whether or not they want to admit it, every painter, every writer, every singer, every dancer and every actor would love to spend all day at their craft and be handsomely rewarded for it. If you have ever watched a talent show, such as The Voice, America's Got Talent or American Idol, you have seen the amount of talent in the world that is unrewarded. Only a select few can really put food on their table solely through the money earned through their art. This is a reality we all know at the core of our hearts, but few of us want to admit.

During the past 6 years that I've been singing professionally after having not sung at all for 7 years, I've been through a lot of transformations. There was a time when I didn't think I was worthy of getting paid for singing and that I should give it up and never open my mouth again. I started to get hired for things...little things and actual good things with great ensembles and big names. I got good reviews. Over the past 16 months, I've felt really great about the work I've done vocally. I am a professional singer and I can say with confidence, that I'm not bad. I'm actually quite good and I'm proud at what I've accomplished.

That being said, I'm all over the place. I have spread myself so thin with all of my hobbies and pursuits that I have not been able to put 100% of my effort into any one thing. I'm teaching here, I'm singing there, I'm organizing here, I'm selling there. Aside from work, there are all of those other things in life like eating, being a friend, love, living and basically trying to enjoy your life. Some people are content to be a Starving Artist. I have decided about three weeks ago, that I am not one of those people.

I want to be able to buy frivolous items, go on vacations and go out to fancy dinners more than I want to excel at my art...and that's okay.

At one point in my life, I may have looked at this crossroads as one path being failure and the other path being a valiant artist, but I really don't think that it is either of those things. There is no failure in wanting to live a certain lifestyle and making sacrifices to get there, as much as there isn't necessarily valor in eating ramen noodles every night and working 6 different jobs so that you can go on thousands of auditions. They are simply paths to be taken. There is neither shame or valor in either one.

Over the last few weeks, I have been struggling with the realization that I cannot "Live The Dream" anymore. I have been grieving as though someone close to me had passed away. I am spending a lot of time struggling financially, going to job to job and losing track of my schedule. I lead an interesting and fascinating life and it is so satisfying and amazing when someone hands me a check for singing. It's actually unbelievable to me. But it is no longer enough for me. Giving up music as a "career" is not a failure when you haven't actually failed. The failure would have been all of those years spent at my office job, passing the time, wondering if I had any talent at all. That would have been the ultimate failure.

Letting go has been one of the hardest things I've ever done. And letting go doesn't mean abandoning my art. In fact, I am more in love with music than ever. I've done great work. I am still a very hire-able soprano. I still am working to perfect my technique. I will still audition. But it is not going to be my primary career, and I'm okay with that. Letting go has made it possible for me to sing more freely. I am not critical of every single sound that leaves my throat, I'm grateful I'm able to produce it. I still have gigs to do and recitals to program, but not depending on these things for my income is freeing. To have music in my life be the sweet dessert instead of being the entree makes singing all the more delicious.

My life has been such an adventure. Here's where one chapter ends, but let's turn the page. I can't wait to see what happens next.

Tiny Windows and Obsession in Art

There are sometimes when at night, I have trouble sleeping because I cannot stop thinking and thoughts and ideas are swirling and swirling around in my head. It's usually on nights like that, I slip on my iPod and turn on a Sports Junkies Podcast and listen to that instead of my brain.

I think the blessing and curse of being in a creative profession is that one can easily become obsessed with one's work and on some level, you need to be. Performing arts careers are not something I would recommend to someone to pursue unless you absolutely cannot do anything else and be happy. The stress of rejection, along with the simple fact that you will be needing to have some sort of other job (to pay your bills) and that your life will not be normal is not exactly glamorous. I'm lucky to have a good friend who understands the extreme highs and lows of life behind a music stand and we are there to support each other when times are good and when they seem their darkest and you feel like no one will hire you.

A few years ago, after I received (or rather, wrestled it away from the institution I was attending) my Master's Degree, I took up a day job in Arts Administration which was somewhat satisfying. I was still working around music and creativity. I didn't think I was talented enough to actually make a living from the field I just spent 7 years studying after high school. I didn't sing a note for anyone for a long time, until I was 2 years into my Pre-Med Program at Harvard Extension School where I was pretending to be someone who was good at math. I sang a song set for a friend's recital and at rehearsal, my best friend turned to me and said; "What are you doing? Why aren't you singing anymore? You're wasting it, man.". I appreciated her candor and I asked myself the same question. That one performance felt like a recovering addict's forbidden, sweet taste of their vice that crumbles them into helpless relapse. I figured I would give it a try while I was still young and if I wanted to be a doctor after I failed, it was always there.

Three years later, I can say I've come a long way, but lately I've become somewhat obsessed with my work. Obsessed with programming recitals, writing exercises for students, learning new music, etc. It's both frightening and delightful at the same time. I am currently programming a recital of all 20th and 21st Century Music (two living composers too!) and I feel alive with excitement and anticipation! I may not be the best soprano in town, but I love it hard. I know if you love music hard, it gives love back to you. A Labor of Love, indeed. Letting music back into my life was the best thing I have ever done.

The Tiny Windows Dress is a Dress I loved so much last summer, I bought two. Today felt like a pink day, being the perfect 70º day. I'm still wearing an ace bandage on my ankle as its still really swollen, puffy and painful. It's a little frustrating, but I'll try to be patient with my recovery. It's not stopping me from walking all over the city. I guess I just can't try kickboxing this month :)

I hope everyone is having a wonderful week! BEMF is so great this year! I am enjoying some beautiful performances this week!

Making up for Lost Time in B-minor

It's January and I'm a teeny bit behind on my Audition Applications for 2011.

In the Boston Metropolitan Area, the Organization called Boston Singer's Resource has an annual regional audition for a panel of auditors who may or may not be able to offer you a gig, but you only get 4 minutes to sing. Since this audition is only once a year, the last time I did this audition I had come down with a bad cold and refused to cancel. I had made up my mind that I could sing through the sickness, even though I was sick enough to call out of my retail job that morning. I was so out of it, I drove all the way to the audition location and realized, I left my music at home! I drove ALL the way back to grab it and got there just in time. I sang pretty poorly and received scores and comments that reflected it. My self-confidence took a huge hit from it and I did not have enough chutzpah to sing it again in 2010. Even though I am having a hard season, I promised myself I would attempt it again...but not if I was sick, which is rare nowadays anyway. So...it was the first one I filled out.

For today's rehearsal, I pulled out my Lost Time Skirt. This sits in my closet and I always forget how cute it is until I put it on.

Skirt: Anthro Lost Time Skirt, Cardi: J.Crew Jackie Cardigan, Shoes: Bare Traps

 My hubs hasn't quite got a grasp on the camera yet and caught the very white couch arm in every photo. I was quite pleased to wear this skirt to the first rehearsal of the Bach B-minor Mass which I will be performing in March. I actually always love March because it's Bach's Birthday and that always means lots of Bach concerts! If you haven't guessed yet, Johann Sebastian Bach is my very favorite composer with Francis Poulenc being a close second.

I am so excited about this rehearsal process! All Bach all the time is a very awesome thing! Here is an aria from the end of the piece. The melody is so hauntingly beautiful. If you have never heard a Countertenor before, you're in for a treat. I know a lot of people get freaked out when men sing and it sounds like a "woman", but to my ear, a countertenor sounds nothing like a woman. He just sounds like a countertenor, like a viola and it's a beautiful sound. I LOVE Countertenors and Andreas Scholl is a pretty popular one right now: